When we last left the Bad Girls Club, somebody had put Miss Morgan's crap on the porch, and she was freaking out that the other bitches "disrespected her and her shit." And just like we expected (YES!), in last night's Episode 2, Oxygen brings us back right when stripper Brandi attacks Morgan with her furious fists. She then compares the beating to a modern day hate crime, because they're jealous of her. (Total crazy talk. This is exactly why we love this show.) What's even better is that her "pretty girl crew" gets RIGHT behind her during the fight, ripping open doors and pushing perfectly good IKEA lamps to the ground.
Just as we expected: Morgan gets kicked out, mainly, because she went completely bat-shit crazy and started tearing up the production room. Why take your anger out on the poor people that have to tape the mess of a show, girl? Like a true low budget bitch, she was eventually carted off in a minivan. GOD, what a sad departing.
With Morgan now gone, tension rises between the one Miamian left, Lea, and the show's one dumb blonde, Kristen. With Lea's birthday coming up, Kristen gets upset that no one celebrated her birthday, which was before they all got to the house.
When Lea informs her -- and we're paraphrasing here -- "Listen bitch, it's my day. Step off!," blondie goes nuts and calls Lea a whore. This is where our Magic City girl shows her true colors. Her accent comes out; her nice little "I'm just truthful" goes to hell; and she is pushing bitches left and right just to get to goldilocks' face. Lea releases her inner Chonga. She then utters the best line from the episode: "Kristen needs to learn, if you call someone a whore, you get punched in the face." All we have to say is: That a girl!
Lea turns into one of the girls on My Super Sweet 16 who didn't get her way and gets all pissed at anyone was trying to rain on her parade. She starts throwing shit in the pool and honestly, she is such a Hialeah hoochie, it's ridiculous. She has officially replaced Morgan as our fav, maybe because she's from Miami or maybe because the bitch is real and we love her for it. But then she brings the femme trainwrecks to hipster hub Vagabond downtown. What exactly was the plan there? We didn't even think clear heels were allowed in, let alone given their own bottle.
Yes, this episode started with drama, but slowly and surely, the bad girls became the best of gal pals. Yet then we learn that stripper 101 can get in the way of friendships. When the gang heads out to the super classy Club Dream (AKA the home of Porn To Be A Star Tuesdays), Brandi the Stripper and Erica, whose straight from the trailer park, get on the pole and make $300. (And here, we have to give them credit. When's the last time you went to the club and made any money?) But when Erica suggests they use the cash to buy groceries for the house, Brandi breaks it down that that's just not how strippers roll.
Sure, Morgan is the episode's one causality, but the real victims were the poor mannequins. All they were trying to do is live in this god forsaken house, but unfortunately, they keep getting thrown in the pool and having amazing things like "slut bag" written on them. Is there some sort of hotline they can call when the domestic violence gets to be too much? Some safe word? God, people. We are just in Episode 2, and it's already a fucking fantastic trashy drama. LOVE IT.
By Stacey Russell
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